in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
