when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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