He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize