You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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