Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize