If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
