we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
