I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I love you. Go after that dick
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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