just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
