dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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