Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
