after a month anything with tits is on the radar
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
