when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
