Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
