fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
