My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize