It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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