I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
