He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
