They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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