Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
