Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
