Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
