So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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