She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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