He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize