so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
