And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize