??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You smell like stripper and shame
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
