I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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