in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
a search helicopter?!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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