im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
