My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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