She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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