Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
