Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
