whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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