Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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