im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
