After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
