I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
