we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize