Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
