really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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