Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
