Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
