Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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