I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
