She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
