Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
