We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
