I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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