LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
