Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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