so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
