i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
