I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
as a side note pls kill me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
