You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
