fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
