I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
