This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
