I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
