Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
