Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
