I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
