I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
