yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
