You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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