they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
