got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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