My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
