what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize