The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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