The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
