Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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