census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
