Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
