I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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