Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
