I want to have your abortion
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize