i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
