you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
