Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you inspire me to be a worse person
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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